Monday, November 13, 2006

one

I am two weeks into this new place, this new life. It was not as hard as I thought it'd be, to pick up and move, to go it alone. Every day, I make this space more and more mine, more and more a home. I am streamlining, simplifying, discarding those things that aren't important. I thought I would be lonely here but it hasn't been. I thought I was leaving love behind but it's followed me here; it's simply changed shape.

A few weeks ago, we began the task of dividing up our things. We started with the furniture, each of us saying what we wanted or didn't want. The only thing I really wanted were the books, hundreds of them crammed onto six different cases. These were, are, more important to me than the furniture, the pots and pans. We sat in the living room surrounded by movies and cds, holding each one up and saying what about this? The whole time I kept thinking, I can't believe we're doing this. After seven years together, seven years of collecting and building and merging, it took only a couple of hours to divide and become separate again.

And now I'm here, freedom and fear and loneliness and excitement all mixed into one. There are no rules here unless I decide to make them. I am alone but not lonely, living this life for one. Cooking for one, shopping for one, doing laundry for one. I was already used to sleeping alone but now I do it without the comfort of a familiar body in the next room. There is no one to depend on, no one to do the things that need to be done. There is only me but surprisingly, this is enough. For now, this one is enough.

21 Comments:

Blogger Michael Thomas said...

Absolutely Fantastic to have you back, Rebecca. I'm so glad the change hasn't overwhelmed you completely. You have an inner strength which you are truly discovering right now. You are where you want to be. Far too many of us can't begin to come close to that.

Michaelwulguru

11/14/2006 7:14 AM  
Anonymous fringes said...

Michael already said it perfectly. Welcome back.

11/14/2006 8:33 AM  
Blogger Lex Ham Rand said...

I am so glad you are back!

11/14/2006 11:13 AM  
Blogger Voix said...

I know it's huge and hard and scary, but you can do this.

Set up a support network of friends who you can call when you have freak out moments. It helps.

11/14/2006 5:32 PM  
Blogger Quinn said...

Howdy, Stranger.

11/14/2006 8:31 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Hi back. :)

11/14/2006 8:47 PM  
Anonymous out of the loop said...

A very enthusiastic hello again! I'm glad the move has been okay.

11/15/2006 12:24 PM  
Blogger Inconsequential said...

:)

forget the moping!, get writing! :)

or is that just me being selfish?


oh well, whatever whenever, glad you're kicking around again.

11/15/2006 12:29 PM  
Blogger Lex Ham Rand said...

More posts!!! :)

11/15/2006 10:51 PM  
Anonymous Neil said...

Glad you are doing OK.

11/16/2006 5:50 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

Welcome back, Rebecca! I'm glad you're doing okay. :)

11/16/2006 6:32 PM  
Blogger Deezee said...

welcome back....You sound like you've landed strong.

11/16/2006 9:13 PM  
Blogger Teacher said...

Hey Rebecca, somehow I found your site and read your story. It was so interesting. Hey, hang in there and remember someone once said, "It's better to have loved then never to have loved at all." Hey, give yourself a little chance and things will get better. Remember, when you feel lonely and you look around and noone is there, just look up and God is always just a prayer away. God bless.........

11/17/2006 1:20 AM  
Blogger briliantdonkey said...

hmmmm thought I had commented yesterday but I guess It didn't go through. Welcome back, seeing your post yesterday morning was an unexpected, pleasant, surprise. Glad to see things are going well even if they seem a bit scarey or uncertain.

BD

11/18/2006 11:42 AM  
Blogger January said...

Welcome back! We've missed you.

11/20/2006 11:11 AM  
Blogger Flood said...

Hi. I read this.

11/21/2006 12:11 PM  
Blogger KB said...

I'm going though the same thing right now, except 2 1/2 years instead. How do you find the courage to move on? Thats my problem.

11/27/2006 12:59 AM  
Blogger Michael Thomas said...

Check in with us again, Rebecca. Only two plus weeks but it seems months already.

12/01/2006 8:06 AM  
Blogger Buffy said...

I could KISS you for the 'every passing minute' logo.

I'm going to look at it every day.

12/05/2006 10:29 PM  
Blogger Samurai said...

Nice to meet you! I've started my blog about Japanese culture arts. I appriciate if you link to my site since I would like many people to know Japanese culture. Thank you!

12/06/2006 11:58 AM  
Anonymous bookfraud said...

we miss you, rebecca, and all your wonderful words. i hope all is well.

12/07/2006 11:27 AM  

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