Monday, October 09, 2006

Things I am trying to give up to the universe

1. Bad relationships, bad friendships. Why is it that the worse the relationship, the more you want to hold on?
2. Wanting/trying to change people. This doesn't work. It's impossible for anyone to live up to someone else's idea of what they should be.
3. Worrying. About everything. The older I get, the more it occurs to me how little control we have over things in the long run. Everything happens for a reason, just sometimes not for the ones you want them to.
4. The fear of being alone. I am 28 years old. Hopefully, I have a lot of living still ahead of me. The fact that I may have to do it alone scares the hell out of me.
5. The way I feel everything to the nth degree. It's all or nothing with me, there is no in-between and this is not always a good thing.
6. Insecurity. On most days, I hate the person I am. I see so many flaws and I project that onto everyone else. This does not make me a fun person to be around. I want to change that but I'm not sure how.
7. My mother. She drives me crazy, has been doing it pretty much all my life. I'm afraid to have kids because I don't want to be like her.
8. Being afraid that I'm wasting my life, that I'm not doing the things I should be. That I'll be one of those people who never lived up to their potential. The fear that I am living up to my potential and that it isn't much.
9. Worrying about the way I look. I've lost 30 pounds in three months because I stopped eating. I look great. I feel like hell. Not much of a trade-off there.
10. Disappointment. There is still good in this world somewhere. I just have to take the time to look for it.

So, what's on your list?

16 Comments:

Blogger Inconsequential said...

wow

I wish I knew you, as I'm sure you need a good friend to point out all the good things about you, as i'm sure there are many.

Very thought provoking post though.

10/09/2006 12:38 PM  
Anonymous bookfraud said...

"Why is it that the worse the relationship, the more you want to hold on?"

you are wise beyond your years, rebecca. worry, insecurity, family, fear of wasting one's life...at the risk of sounding patronizing, that sounds like me in my late 20s. and all those awful fears slowly evaporated over my 30s. you'll be fine, kiddo.

10/09/2006 1:27 PM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

Inconsequential, there are good things, somewhere I'm sure.

BF, let's hope so.

10/09/2006 2:18 PM  
Blogger briliantdonkey said...

I can DEFINItely relate to some of those. 1,4,8 for sure. 2 as well, though not so much CHANGE them as somehow help/save them. Others I would like to let go are being so naive about some things/people. At risk of being sued by that cereal tiger for stealing his lines,,,,,its grrrrrrrrrEAAAAAT to see you up and about again!

BD

10/09/2006 3:40 PM  
Blogger Michael Thomas said...

I don't know that I really want to make that list. Giving things up to the universe would mean giving up what little control I still have.
But 2, 3, 6, 8, and 9, or minor variations of same, would probably drag and drop quite easily onto my list.
It's really good to see you back, even if you are a Yankees fan. Perhaps the Yankees can get together with the Astros over a hot dog and a beer and watch the rest of the playoffs. >>Evil Grin<<

Michael

10/09/2006 5:08 PM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

Rob, because of some of the things on this list, I've completely lost my naivete. Total bummer. And screw Tony the Tiger. All he does is rot little kids' teeth out anyway.

Michael, all I can say is stupid Yankees. Stupid A-Rod. Stupid Randy Johnson. Stupid Yankees, getting my hopes up like that only to suck the almighty ass in the end. I think I'm going to be a Pirates fan from now on.

10/09/2006 5:32 PM  
Blogger briliantdonkey said...

Sucks that my Redsox flopped most of the last third of the season. However, with that being the case, seeing the dreaded Yankees lose(or actually more like NOT WIN) helps to ease the pain quite a bit. I hope you Yankee fans get your wishes: A) Fire Torre B)trade A-rod. Both would be HUGE mistakes on the Yankees part IMHO, so I am all for it.

10/09/2006 7:43 PM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

I'd actually like to see them keep Torre around but they can ship A-
Rod back to the farm for all I care.

10/09/2006 8:12 PM  
Blogger DeeZee said...

Your list and my list should have drinks. They have a lot in common. ;)

10/09/2006 9:15 PM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

Deezee, done. My list is partial to cape cods and cheap wine, how about yours?

10/09/2006 9:20 PM  
Blogger JimmyJames said...

When you walk into a room, the things you see are what you expect to see. I have walked into an office expecting an in box, and failed to see the wire basket for in mail. I was not expecting to see that, so I did not see it.
I have also learned that the more I concentrated on what I did not want, the more I got of it. That is because then I created my thoughts and focus to see the crud. Once I learned that I controlled my thoughts, I could then change them, and then found that my perception and life changed also. It is a cause-effect relationship. One of the keys is to affirm what you want to see in your life. Not what is lacking. If you want a new relationship, focus and affirm the desires you would like to see in a partner. Not what you do not want, as that is guaranteed to attract that to you.

10/09/2006 9:50 PM  
Blogger chiefbiscuit said...

Sounds like you need to meet a friend for a coffee and go to a movie ... treat yourself. Unconditionally love yourself. Value yourself.You deserve it.

10/09/2006 11:17 PM  
Blogger jason evans said...

The way I feel everything to the nth degree. It's all or nothing with me, there is no in-between.

Hold on to that one. That's passion, and it's rare.

And yes, there is good out there.

10/10/2006 8:05 AM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

Jason, passion is not always that great. Trust me.

10/10/2006 10:18 PM  
Blogger Bev said...

Your item #7 sounds just like me...so I waited until I was 32, and because I remembered everything I hated about how I grew up, my daughter grew up in a whole different way.....my mother and I still have major issues....my daughter is one of my best friends....its the power of memory to change the future, so don't be afraid!

10/12/2006 10:43 AM  
Blogger Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

Great list ... and, love the pic that goes with it.

10/13/2006 12:03 AM  

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