Thursday, June 15, 2006

Poetry Thursday

Poetry Thursday once again. This week, the optional assignment was to post whatever you wanted so, dear readers, (all three of you) you'll be treated to some more of my own homecooked poetry. I haven't got the recipe quite right yet but hopefully, the flavor will come through. Enjoy.

The other sister

I used to imagine there were two of us
in my mother’s womb, fitted into one
another, mirrored halves of the same

shell, a chambered nautilus floating in
the inky dark. Curled twin tadpoles, we
swam in the waves of our mother’s warmth,

joined skin to skin. She, a small dark
replica of my mother, myself in reverse,
the two of us connected down to the nerve,

the membrane, synaptic firings offering
the same shared sense of memory. One
came forth in a rush of blood and terror

and movement, sent out into the world
alone, while the other stayed behind, a
ghost in the womb. My mother says not

to be silly, to stop imagining things, but
I’ve already shouldered the weight of her,
the other sister, the other half of myself.

This is by no means finished and in reality, it most likely sucks, but damnit, I had to put up something.


Blogger Left-handed Trees... said...

Thank you for sharing this poem--I also loved the cooking metaphor before the poetry even started. You must be quite the "overachiever". The concept was fascinating--a shadow sister. I enjoyed its depth very much.

6/15/2006 3:49 PM  
Blogger Justin Evans said...

You really have something here. Don't give up on it.

so says the high priest of punk rock attitude.

6/15/2006 4:08 PM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

i've already shouldered the weight of her...
hmm...this line had me saying "hmmmmm" out loud.

and i love the cooking imagery as well. keep on going. i am new to the writing side of poetry myself but i feel it breaking me open...

happy thursday!

6/15/2006 6:03 PM  
Blogger Flood said...

I love love love the last three stanzas of this. It might not be your intention, but for me, it well defines the feeling of not being good enough and gives a great and haunting image of why that might be.

6/15/2006 7:11 PM  
Blogger Lynn said...

Hey, hasn't Ms. Loudon taught you anything? You have to love your writing, and I am guessing you do deep down inside or you wouldn't do it so darn well. This is wonderful.

6/15/2006 10:21 PM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

C. Delia: I'm not sure if "overachiever" is the right word. I think the term you're looking for is "big geek".

Justin: You are a punk rock god. We should all bow down and worship you.

Liz Elayne: Thank you for the kind words and thanks for stopping by. I've been reading your blog for awhile now, it's very inspiring.

Flood: Really? The last bit is the part I'm unsure about it.

Lynn: I'm learning.

Thanks, everyone, this is definitely not the response I anticipated. You've inspired me to keep it going for another day.

6/15/2006 10:29 PM  
Blogger Radish King said...

This is quite lovely. This line in particular I've already shouldered the weight of her seems like the poem's heart, yes? The emotional center. I loved this line, it speaks on several layers, the narrator's life missing something, and the weight of carrying twins back to back, shoulder to shoulder in the womb.

6/15/2006 10:57 PM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

See, you're the second person to say something like that. When I wrote it, I felt like the last three lines just didn't fit with the rest of it. They felt flat or something. Now I'm not so sure.

6/15/2006 10:59 PM  
Blogger Orange Blossom Goddess (aka Heather) said...

This might be too obvious but what was immediately brought to mind for me was an alter ego and how in the eyes of the alter ego one doesn't quite measure up...we're often too hard on ourselves. I really like where you are going with this.

6/16/2006 9:11 AM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

Heather, thanks. I'm not really sure where I'm going with it myself but I'm glad that you all are able to see some kind of direction.

6/16/2006 3:43 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home