Tuesday, June 20, 2006


When I got up this morning, I wanted to get in my car and drive until everything around me was different, until everyone and everything I knew had disappeared. I wanted to leave behind my house, my books, my clothes, my job. My mother and my father, my boyfriend, my dogs, my name. Everything about this so-called life of mine. I wanted to shed it all, like a skin I'd outgrown, and step fragile and new into another life.

It didn't matter where I went. I could have driven west, chasing the sun, until the land turned to water again. I could have gone to the desert and watched the sunset, the sky fading into purples and blues like an angry bruise. I could have gone north, into the mountains, delirious at the sight of all that blue-green beauty. I could have gone back to the town I grew up in, haunting the familiar places like a ghost.

The destination wasn't important, only the leaving. I wanted to be somewhere, anywhere but here.

Instead, I got up and took a walk around my neighborhood. I listened to the birds singing in the trees, breathed in the smell of fresh-cut grass. I felt the road under my feet, the distance from home as long or as short as I wanted to make it.

Every so often it takes hold of me, this urge to begin again. I can't explain it, this need to shake off the past and start over with a fresh history. It's a want I don't understand, a want to be something more than ordinary.

I could have gone. I could go still. I have the means, all I lack is the will. For now though, I choose to stay here, in this life. But if someday I should disappear, know that I'm out there, on the road, chasing down my destiny.


Blogger Orange Blossom Goddess (aka Heather) said...

It takes strength to begin again and even more strength to begin each day in the current situation.

6/20/2006 2:16 PM  
Blogger Carl Bryant said...

Extraordinary isn't a place - it's an effort. Being more than ordinary is an act of will.

I say keep doing what you're doing and see what happens.

Unless what you're doing is illegal, in which case you should stop right away. Or get in that car and run like hell.

Either way, we'll be watching.

6/20/2006 11:26 PM  
Blogger Lynn said...

No, you can't disappear. At least not without leaving a forwarding blog address. ;)

6/21/2006 12:28 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

You sound a lot like me when I was younger. I broke out of the life by going to college twice, meeting new people and trying on new faces. Live real, and don't do it for anyone but yourself. Read Fountainhead, but don't take her seriously. Take what you need and leave the rest. But live for you. It's the only way.

6/21/2006 8:14 AM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

Thanks for putting a smile on my face this morning and Carl, thanks for making me spit corn flakes all over the computer screen. That is a rare and wonderful gift so don't take it for granted.

6/21/2006 9:00 AM  
Blogger J Malcolm said...

I did that two years ago. left home left all my stuff and went to a different state, away from my family and friends.
Now I'm married have a house and a cat.
Chasing down destiny isn't as hard as some think. Sometimes it's just over the next hill. Or in the next state.

6/21/2006 9:21 AM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

J Malcolm, you're probably right. I just can't see it yet.

6/21/2006 9:33 AM  
Blogger Laura Young said...

Ohhh, if you haven't found Denise Levertov's poetry, go pick up Selected Poems. She really hits this so well...many poems about the dichotomy of the settled woman and the restless wanderer all wrapped up on one body. I can soooo relate...

6/23/2006 1:57 PM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

That's exactly the kind of thing I'm looking for. Nothing against male poets but they don't always exactly get it.

6/23/2006 2:32 PM  

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