Tuesday, April 18, 2006

100th Post

Looking back through the archives recently I realized that in 100 posts I haven't really said all that much. It made me think that perhaps this 1ooth post should contain something truly memorable, something that would touch the hearts and minds of those who read it. Something deep, something profound, something life-changing. Then I said screw it, I don't have time for all that. Instead, I have devised a list of 100 useless factoids about myself. Reading this should make you feel infinitely better about yourself. Enjoy.

1) I love dogs but I hate cats.
2) I have four dogs who I think of as my children. I like to have conversations with them wherein I refer to myself as "mommy".
3) I have no desire to ever have any real children. In fact, I don't really like children at all.
4) I know this makes me a horrible person but,
5) I work in a restaurant where I have to deal with said children on a regular basis. I have been puked on, hit, kicked, screamed at, and have had food thrown at me by said children.
6) I desperately hate my job but like Jack and Ennis, I can't seem to quit it.
7) Despite the fact that I have a master's degree.
8) I love to gossip, especially about the people I work with.
9) Again, I know this makes me a horrible person.
10) I love to read. Whenever someone tells me they're not a reader, I silently pity them.
11) I'm a book snob. I openly scorn people who liked The Da Vinci Code.
12) Therefore, I find it slightly ironic that my favorite book is The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley.
13) And I secretly own a copy of The Da Vinci Code. I'm afraid to read it because I'm afraid I'll like it. Then my whole facade would crumble like a generic potato chip.
14) I hate reality TV.
15) But I'm addicted to Project Runway, Top Chef, Wife Swap, Blow Out, and pretty much any other piece of mindless fluff the television gods put out there.
16) I also like movies. Really stupids ones. Like Police Academy.
17) If I find a movie I like, I'll watch it over and over again, sometimes twice in the same day.
18) This annoys the living shit out of my boyfriend.
19) I swear. A lot. In everyday conversation. Even when I'm on the phone with my mother.
20) The f-word is my favorite adjective.
21) Please see #4 and #9.
22) I like to turn everything into a joke, even when it's not necessarily appropriate.
23) I'm very good at the snappy comeback.
24) Although I tend to go too far sometimes.
25) Which might explain why I always distance myself from other people.
26) The truth is, I just prefer my own company.
27) But I'm terrified I will die alone.
28) I am an arts-and-crafts nerd. I love making things for other people.
29) I look for inspiration in everything and use what I see in my own work.
30) Sometimes I worry that I'm incapable of having an original thought.
31) I love tragedy. My favorite poets tend to be the suicidal ones.
32) I love romance. Especially if it's mixed with a little tragedy.
33) I tend to develop crushes fairly easily. Currently, I'm crushing on a guy I work with.
34) I want to fall in love again before I die.
35) I'm not so sure this is possible.
36) I am a terrible procrastinator. I'll put things off for as long as possible, even when it's detrimental to myself.
37) I have let a lot of opportunities pass me by because of this.
38) One of my biggest fears is that I will fail as a writer.
39) But I'm getting used to rejection.
40) I can't cook. Or sew. Or bake. I hate to clean.
41) But I don't believe this makes me a failure as a woman.
42) I'm terribly clumsy and completely graceless.
43) I think this is mostly due to the fact that I have a big butt which makes maneuvering somewhat difficult.
44) When I'm alone in the car, I turn the volume all the way up and sing at the top of my lungs.
45) I love road trips but I hate driving. I get terrible road rage.
46) I'm afraid to fly.
47) I still have nightmares about 9/11 and the end of the world.
48) I think the war is wrong.
49) I think the best times are behind us.
50) Did I mention I'm a bit of a pessimist? And a cynic?
51) I know I should be working on something right now, instead of writing this silly list.
52) I didn't believe in writer's block but I'm starting to.
53) I love reading other people's blogs. I wish mine were more interesting.
54) I have no fashion sense whatsoever but I love beautiful clothes.
55) I buy most of my clothes secondhand.
56) And most of my books too. I feel guilty shopping at Barnes & Noble.
57) I like to buy useless things, like expensive notebooks that I never write in.
58) Most of my writing is done in cheap spiral notebooks bought at the dollar store.
59) I hate talking on the phone. To anyone. I order my pizza online just so I don't have to make the call.
60) But I always tip extremely well, because you never know if they're spitting on your food or not.
61) I like ridiculously girly things even though I'm pretty much still a tomboy.
62) I wish I were prettier.
63) And taller.
64) I'm not sure if I believe in God.
65) I haven't been to church in twenty years.
66) I don't know how to talk to my father.
67) My mother still doesn't have time for me in her life.
68) I know this is not her fault but it still hurts.
69) Sometimes I wish I were a completely different person.
70) I'm a hard worker but I often put my energy into the wrong things.
71) People think I'm tough. This is a lie.
72) I think this list is getting a little too serious.
73) I think SUV's are the most obnoxious invention ever.
74) When I see people driving too fast on the highway, I secretly hope they will get pulled over or wreck.
75) Again, see #4 and #9.
76) I hate the beach but I love the pool.
77) I burn very easily. My skin is so pale I'm almost transparent.
78) I think Arizona is the most beautiful place on earth.
79) Even though I've never been there.
80) I love poetry, even though I don't understand it half the time.
81) I like to write it even though I don't understand it half the time.
82) I bite my fingernails.
83) I'm still afraid of the dark.
84) I look for beauty in everything I see.
85) But I have a hard time finding it in people.
86) I don't exercise enough.
87) Spring is my favorite time of year.
88) I have a hard time making decisions.
89) I wish I spoke another language.
90) I'd love to travel the world. It makes me sad to think I will never see Paris, Rome, London.
91) I love accents. Especially English, Irish, and Scottish. I think an accent makes a man infinitely more attractive. (See: Ewan McGregor, Christian Bale, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers)
92) I loved Brokeback Mountain.
93) I support gay marriage.
94) I'm pro-choice.
95) I think we've gotten a little too serious again.
96) I'm sure I've offended someone.
97) Perhaps I've said too much. I tend to do that.
98) I wear my heart on my sleeve.
99) And I don't apologize for it.
100) I just want to be happy.

10 Comments:

Blogger That Girl Who Writes Stuff said...

That was kickass.

"I work in a restaurant where I have to deal with said children on a regular basis. I have been puked on, hit, kicked, screamed at, and have had food thrown at me by said children."

I got stabbed in the hip with a fork once.

We'll have to swap restaurant horror stories some time.

Congrats on your 100th

4/18/2006 2:31 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

Happy 100!!
Hey, we have a lot in common. I also 1, 10, 11, 17, 38, 42, 57, 59, 62, 74, 81, 82, 86 88, 91, 92, 94, and 100!!!

4/18/2006 3:37 PM  
Blogger Justin Evans said...

I don't know how far back my 100th post was, but it was the same kind of list. You should go back and read it. It will scare you (like it startled me) as to how similar we are when it comes to writing and just weird stuff in general.

4/18/2006 3:37 PM  
Blogger Justin Evans said...

found it!

http://utahpoet.blogspot.com/2005/10/100.html

4/18/2006 3:39 PM  
Blogger Julie Carter said...

I'd say the chances of you liking The DaVinci Code are fairly slim. You can enjoy it, but not respect it.

And this is from someone who isn't a book snob!

Julie

4/18/2006 3:42 PM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

Wow, thanks, I didn't think anyone would even read the whole thing. By the way, Justin, I read your list and there are some similarities (I too outran the police at night, only I was 14 and it was a stolen car) but I must dispute your claim to making the world's best grilled cheese. One word, my friend. Ham.

4/19/2006 12:37 AM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

Jesus, stabbed with a fork? I wonder if you get worker's comp for that kind of thing?

4/19/2006 1:16 AM  
Blogger Voix said...

Great list. I'm a craft nerd, too. I make things for people all the time. Useless things.

4/19/2006 7:08 AM  
Blogger Eduardo said...

This is a good list and a good post.

I am on a personal quest for The Good Post. I don't know how to make it but I know it when I read it. Is it the voice of the writer? The topic? The length? I dunno.

I want to stuff this post under my shirt and run for the exit before I am caught. Then I will put it on my site and pretend its mine.

4/30/2006 12:25 PM  
Anonymous Rebecca said...

That's a great image, Eduardo, I love it, lol.

5/01/2006 11:13 AM  

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