Wednesday, May 10, 2006

A sampling of potential jobs I'm qualified for based on a search of the local classifieds

Medical research test subject

Plasma donor

Chambermaid/housekeeper

Dog bather (Not a groomer, though. For that, you need experience.)

Substitute teacher (What can I say, they have really low standards here)


I did see this ad, which sounded interesting:

Attractive Individual To help w/body rubs. Will train. No experience nec. Excellent Pay. 554-****

Now how exactly do you train someone to give a "body rub"? And how much would that pay anyway?

And this one:

Dancers needed for busy golf season. Spinners Gentlemens Club Santee. No Tip Out . Work PT. Make Big Money . Call Kitty 843-909-****

Short hours, big money. No tip out though, wtf? Not even if I demonstrate my body rub skills?

Coincidentally, I also saw this one:

(Name omitted) The Season is Here! Now hiring: Servers, Hosts, and Line Cooks. Great Pay; Great Place to Work. Whiners & Complainers need not apply! Apply in person

This is for the place I just quit. Boy, they really know how to sweet talk their potential employees, eh? Seriously, though, they're only looking for timid conformists who are willing to let themselves be trampled on. Sadly, this disqualifies me.

It's not looking good people.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Lelia Katherine Thomas said...

Depending on the context of the dancing at the Gentlemen's Club...I think they'd give you a [monetary] tip if you asked.

5/10/2006 10:16 PM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

I don't have the fake breasts or upper thigh muscles that exotic dancing requires so really, that one's out. I'm still wondering about this whole "body rub" thing though. Who puts an ad like that in the paper anyway?

Hmmm...maybe I could get a story out of this.

5/10/2006 10:49 PM  
Blogger Gerald Huml said...

Those are some curious ads. Have you looked into the jobs available at your local hospital(s)? Maybe you could get your foot in the door as an admin asst or patient biller? I have my current job by starting as an overly educated admin asst and worked my way up from there. Local colleges or universities are another place to look. Perhaps writing/reporting for the university publications or work in marketing? You can probably do all of your job searching and applying for the hospitals and universities online.

5/11/2006 11:18 AM  
Blogger Writing Blind said...

I'm not really that worried yet. I just thought those ads were funny because they really do demonstrate most of what's available in this area.

I don't know, I have enough money to get by for a little while. I'd like to be able to look for something that I actually want to do, as opposed to taking whatever offers the quickest money, i.e. waiting tables.

5/11/2006 1:41 PM  
Anonymous kitty said...

This is kitty form the gentlemen's club. The "no tip out" refers to the fact that you don't have to pay a "club fee" to work. Most clubs charge a flat rate when entertainers work. I thought it was interesting how you interpreted that. Maybe I will re think my ad. I am actually hiring bartenders, who can dance on the bar(fully clothed) and dancers who can hustle (in a thong).

7/21/2006 1:36 PM  

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